i always think it will make me feel better, but most of the time i just feel worse. sure it's great spending time with my parents. and there isn't anything better than talking to my dad on the way back. but i get here, and i realize there isn't anything for me in this town anymore. guess there really isn't anything for me anywhere anymore.
i don't know how to get better, because i don't even know whats wrong with me.
all i know is that it's never been this bad before, and has gone on for this long.
i used to be able to control it...feel it comming on and kill it before it took hold. but now i feel as if it's too late.
before i felt like as bad as things got, i still had hope that it would someday be better. but now, i posses no such hope. because i know it's not going to change...do i even want it to? doesn't my own pain help others?
no, that's just self-absorbed bullshit.
it's all so tiring, and it is getting debilitating. im run down and burnt out.